tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post2518918726170387484..comments2024-03-15T08:49:44.929-04:00Comments on Dreams and Dragons: Flash Fiction Challenge: Black LetterSarah Penningtonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-36535548289094266002016-02-13T08:40:55.454-05:002016-02-13T08:40:55.454-05:00Ok. I wasn't sure if you'd come up with it...Ok. I wasn't sure if you'd come up with it before I posted this story (as a sort of "hey, I wonder if this is true" thing) and just never mentioned it or if this story/the comments on it had been the spark for the theory (which is what I hoped it would be, TBH). Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-1547222296714342562016-02-13T01:12:37.749-05:002016-02-13T01:12:37.749-05:00I came up with the theory a few days ago after rea...I came up with the theory a few days ago after reading your reply to Athelas saying that the second son was important. :P Not at that very moment—I had to think about it a bit before I drew the connections. There weren't too many important men around Aleta's age I could connect to Aleta—Dale Alyron was the obvious choice.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008395622501970026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-73335430686334735912016-02-11T21:27:35.555-05:002016-02-11T21:27:35.555-05:00I agree. Very nicely done, gathering the evidence....I agree. Very nicely done, gathering the evidence. :D And yes, your theory is correct. How long ago did you come up with it, by the way?<br /><br />Mr. Alyron's first name is Dale. It came up in the "Return to Alyron Village" short story; nowhere else.Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-72761968519443296742016-02-11T20:53:29.176-05:002016-02-11T20:53:29.176-05:00Given the facts that Aleta has no established rela...Given the facts that Aleta has no established relationship with the Alyron family, yet she has violet eyes in a world where, as Ariana comments, "if someone has violet eyes, they are most likely an Alyron"—plus the fact that Gwen is struck by "the resemblance to herself and Nightshade"—I believe there's a substantial amount of evidence for my theory.<br /><br />What is Mr. Alyron's name, BTW?Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008395622501970026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-64650866480717984142016-02-11T08:29:04.198-05:002016-02-11T08:29:04.198-05:00Maaaaayyyyybeyes. My grin over this speculation is...Maaaaayyyyybeyes. My grin over this speculation is insanely large, just saying. <br />Thanks for reading!Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-2015436032011939902016-02-11T03:36:12.766-05:002016-02-11T03:36:12.766-05:00Is the second son…Mr. Alyron? I can't seem to ...Is the second son…Mr. Alyron? I can't seem to find his name, but I didn't look for very long.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09008395622501970026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-86416160893409079182016-02-09T13:48:20.655-05:002016-02-09T13:48:20.655-05:00Wow, this really is in-depth. Thanks so much for t...Wow, this really is in-depth. Thanks so much for taking the time to do it!<br /><br />I'm aware that using "funereal" might cause some confusion. I'll look and see if I can find another word to use (any suggestions are welcome), but in general I'm not terribly worried about it.<br /><br />Thanks for mentioning the "let herself disappear." I was trying to make it seem that disappearing (figuratively) is natural for her, something she doesn't really think about any more than you think about, say, walking or ducking when someone throws an orange at your head. But I will try to work on that as well.<br /><br />The second son is significant, yes. And not just because he's closest to Aleta of any of her siblings. Though I have no idea if anyone who's read the rest of my series will catch on to who he is . . .<br /><br />And for the record . . . yes. Aleta's heart is at least partially mended . . . eventually.<br /><br />I'm glad you enjoyed my story! Thank you very much for reading and critiquing it!Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-28443443442223460692016-02-08T19:42:43.045-05:002016-02-08T19:42:43.045-05:00I didn't realize how long this critique was un...I didn't realize how long this critique was until I published the comment. Sorry. :pKira Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01068911623966107135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-61691641211010168272016-02-08T19:41:14.338-05:002016-02-08T19:41:14.338-05:00This is a really good story, Sarah! You sucked me ...This is a really good story, Sarah! You sucked me right into it (and after the first paragraph I forgot to pay attention to details for critiquing and had to reread it. xP).<br /><br />Before I critique it, I should warn you that I go very in-depth in my critiques. So if you want to just scan it, feel free.<br /><br />Your description, especially the description of the letter, is superb. Not only the physical description, but the words you chose gave a very clear feel to the reader. That was very well done.<br /><br />"<i>Nobles had a tendency to use funereal colors when contacting assassins- as if inviting them not to attend a funeral, but to cause one. </i>" - When I first read this paragraph, I originally thought that the word "funereal" was intended to be "funeral". This was my own mistake, but it drew me out of the story, so I thought it may be worth mentioning. Whether or not other people would think it was a typo, I don't know.<br /><br />The way you went through her thought process was very skillfully done. A lot of writers would heap all of her thoughts together or draw them out, but you kept them at the right length, and in a way that let us get to know your character better. <br /><br />"<i>Then she clambered out the window into the evening shadows and let herself disappear.</i> This "let herself disappear" threw me off just a little bit... It makes it seem almost like her disappearing is something that just happens whenever she climbs out the window, and (if you're being picky about character point-of-view, which I'm not, but it seemed worth mentioning) you wonder since we're in her point-of-view, does she disappear from her own view? <br /><br />The part after the scene break was also very well done. You didn't go into details, but managed to <i>show</i> rather than tell anyway. That's very difficult, but you pulled it off masterfully.<br /><br />The second son intrigues me. Does he play a larger role in your story? (It may be worth mentioning that the <i>randomest</i> characters intrigue me or become my favorites sometimes, so if he wasn't supposed to be interesting to your readers, it's probably just me. :p) <br /><br />Like Katie said, the last line was really good. It very neatly tied together the story. But oi, poor Aleta. I can't help but hope that something will happen to mend that heart of hers.<br /><br />Your story was very good, and I especially liked the details (like her watching for poison in the letter). At no point did I feel blind to what was going on, and it seemed like you knew your world well. You did fantastically! :DKira Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01068911623966107135noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-57808089887668876712016-02-06T17:57:32.910-05:002016-02-06T17:57:32.910-05:00Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
I know, rig...Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!<br /><br />I know, right? Like I said, I was really excited when I got the prompt.Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-77093238086852092092016-02-06T17:57:08.265-05:002016-02-06T17:57:08.265-05:00Thanks! If you're really interested, I actuall...Thanks! If you're really interested, I actually have the series she's from on Google Docs- I could give you the link if you like.Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-74099352683489603212016-02-06T15:04:47.076-05:002016-02-06T15:04:47.076-05:00This was very good... and sad. I absolutely LOVED ...This was very good... and sad. I absolutely LOVED the last line. I think it was a perfect way to end the short story. <br /><br />And how awesome that you were able to use the prompt for you novel. It's like hitting two birds with one stone. :PKatie Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01867517507191129951noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-70256317225857845442016-02-06T12:02:13.228-05:002016-02-06T12:02:13.228-05:00You did so good, Sarah! Now I'm really intrigu...You did so good, Sarah! Now I'm really intrigued by this Aleta character ... Savannah Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16668452024211579085noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-62808188853579749972016-02-05T16:46:24.301-05:002016-02-05T16:46:24.301-05:00Sorry? Thank you? *not sure whether to apologize o...Sorry? Thank you? *not sure whether to apologize or take it as a compliment or both*Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-90407826506582095752016-02-05T16:24:53.105-05:002016-02-05T16:24:53.105-05:00Oh gravy. *sniffles* Oh gravy. *sniffles* C.B. Cookhttp://theworldofthewriter.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-70859601864887029072016-02-05T10:46:44.876-05:002016-02-05T10:46:44.876-05:00Danke! I'm glad you enjoyed it! (And that I go...Danke! I'm glad you enjoyed it! (And that I got you wondering . . . can't give an answer, obviously, but I can tell you that Aleta's home was not an especially happy one, and also that Aleta didn't originally set out to become an assassin; that's just where she ended up.)<br />Thanks again!Sarah Penningtonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06377945004067760298noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6336480024326420194.post-49991243859382385622016-02-05T10:06:59.707-05:002016-02-05T10:06:59.707-05:00Bravo! I like it! You do a good job of drawing t...Bravo! I like it! You do a good job of drawing the reader into the story. It makes me wonder what led Aleta to becoming an assassin, since she clearly loves her mother and brother. Emmarayn Reddinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15906735934810971194noreply@blogger.com