Don't Say Goodbye

Things are changing.

I don't talk about my personal life, particularly the sad bits, a whole lot on this blog. Usually that's because there's not much to say about them. But sometimes there are.


My parents told me the news four months ago: we're moving. Not just to a new house, to a new state, almost eight hours away. Since then, life has been successively growing in craziness as we try to get ready to leave. Even so, I don't think the reality of our move fully hit- until this week, when suddenly Skillet's "Say Goodbye" has become the theme song of my life.

It seems strange and
I need to figure this out.

I've lived in the same house for nearly twelve years. To some of you, those who've lived in the same house or at least the same town all your lives, that may seem unsurprising. But for my family and me, it's a not-so-small miracle; by all rights, we probably should've moved at least once already by this time. But we haven't. We've been allowed to stay.

So why do we have to leave now?

 You got your life,
I got mine,
But you're all I cared about.

 I'm an introvert. That may surprise some of you; I'm a lot more outgoing online than I am offline. Online, talking to people, even strangers, is easy. Sharing my thoughts and feelings is easy. Offline, both things are a lot harder, and I tend to spend a lot of time by myself. However, being an introvert also means that I'm very attached to the friends I do have. They mean the world to me, and I look forward to every chance I get to spend time with them.

And now I'm leaving them behind.

Yesterday we were laughing.
Today I'm left here asking,
Where has all the time gone now?
I'm left alone somehow.
Growing up and getting older;
I don't want to believe it's over. 

As I said earlier, despite the craziness of moving preparations, the reality of our upcoming departure didn't really hit me until this week, my last full week here. Next weekend I leave for Support Staff at White Sulpher Springs, and once that's done, I officially move. So, this weekend has been filled with lasts: last Bible Study on Friday, last game night on Saturday, last church service and youth group on Sunday. My community, my friends, are slipping away.

 Don't say goodbye
'Cause I don't want to hear those words tonight.
'Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I.

 I don't want to believe those friendships are over. I want to believe that this isn't goodbye; it's only "see you later." I want to believe we'll keep in touch through email and letters and text messages until I can come back home. But enough other friends have moved or otherwise dropped out of my life that I'm afraid this is the end. That these goodbyes are the end.

I don't want the end to be now.

And although we knew
This time would come for me and you
Don't say anything tonight
If you're going to say goodbye.

Today is, effectively, one of my last full days in my home. I'll be spending the next two weeks volunteering at White Sulpher Springs as part of their Support Staff (which both excites me and terrifies me at the same time), and the movers come to pack up the house shortly after I return. Because of that, I almost feel like I'm already gone- like my home has said goodbye to me already, even though I haven't really said goodbye to it.
But "Say Goodbye" isn't the only song playing in my life.

I know who goes before me.
I know who stands behind.

I don't understand why I have to move. But I know God has a reason for it, that he planned it for us. He even gave me warning of it: in February, during a youth group lesson on words of knowledge, one of my youth leaders- one of the people I'll miss the most after I move- said God had given her a vision of a tornado while she was praying over me. We both thought it was weird but didn't recognize what it meant until later, until I found out about the move and realized this is it. That a tornado is a storm that picks things up and moves them other places, just as the move would uproot my family and me and move us to a new state.

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.

In some ways, I feel like this move is a test, as if God's saying "When your life was easy, you called me your Great Author and thanked Me for my promise that I know the plans I have for you. Now that My plans are different than Yours, will you still thank me?" And I'm doing my best to do just that- to acknowledge that, yes, He does have a plan, and even if I don't understand, His plan is better than mine- even as I ask Him, why, why, why do we have to go?

The One who reigns forever,
He is a friend of mine.

I'm trying to look on the bright side of the move. The location is far from ideal- but it's also far from the worst it can be. The area, after all, is quite pretty (when it's not raining), and I'll have plenty of places to go take pictures and a backyard big enough to shoot my bow and arrows, and maybe I'll get to meet an online friend or two. I even used to daydream about living there when I was younger, opening my own bookstore- "Ye Olde Bookshoppe", named after a bookstore in one of my then-favorite books- which makes me wonder if, in the midst of this move, God's teasing me a bit. Anyway, we're only supposed to be there a few years, and then we can move.

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side.

 

God is sending us on this move for a reason. I keep reminding myself of that. And I keep reminding myself, as do others, that this'll be an adventure. Occasionally, if I'm in a good mood, I'll jokingly add "All those books about people going to other worlds seem to start with the people moving somewhere new. Maybe this is your chance!" But sometimes, my reaction to the thought of an adventure is the same as Bilbo's reaction to Gandalf's invitation: "Nasty disturbing uncomfortable things! I can't think what anybody sees in them!" On those days, my spirit's still singing:

Don't say anything tonight
If you're going to say goodbye.

 

Lyrics from: "Say Goodbye" by Skillet and "Whom Shall I Fear" by Chris Tomlin.

Random Fridays: Songs That Inspire Me

http://bookworm716.blogspot.com/

Hullo, everyone! This week's Random Friday is a freebie; I pick the topic. As you can see, I chose songs that inspire me. But when I say inspiring, I don't mean the encouraging-make-a-bad-day-good kind of songs (though some of these are that kind of songs, at least for me). I mean the kind of songs that give me an idea for a story, a character, or a scene . . . and believe me, there are a lot of those. (As in, if I had a dime for every time a song affected a character or story, I'd probably have a few thousand dollars.) These are a few of my favorites.

1. "The Invitation" and "Welcome to the Masquerade" by Thousand Foot Krutch

Ok, I've already written a short story based on this. If you're on the Underground, you may have read it. If you haven't, know it involves a mysterious masked bardess (female bard; a position I made up for my novels), a plot to kill a king, creepy so-called Seers, and- of course- a masked ball. I had a lot of fun writing it and hope to write a sequel sometime, maybe this summer.

2.  "Sing Me a Love Song"- BarlowGirl

I'm not sure if this would be original fiction or a Goldstone Wood fanfic. The idea plays a large part in one of my favorite daydreams, but those are half fanfic anyway. I do know the basic premise of the idea, though: She's lost; broken; an outcast. She's given away so much of herself that she can't remember who she is. But one thing reminds her. And no matter how hard she tries, no matter how much she sometimes wants to forget, she always comes back. Always returns to the song.    

3. "Dementia"- Owl City

You'll never guess what this one gives me an idea for: the scene in a Cinderella remake I'm hoping to write when the prince sees Cinderella at the ball. I can't give away too much, but I can say this isn't the first time he's met her . . . he just doesn't remember the others. And once she shows up, strange things start happening . . . but none as strange as her mysterious warning for him. 

4. "Hero"- Skillet

I tried to write a novel based on this song. It was supposed to be a dystopian-superhero story: my main character, Anya, was the youngest child in a family of very rich, influential supers, and she was the only one without powers. That, however, played into the story very little; the main plot was how the government was outlawing Christianity and Anya had to find the courage to speak against the change. Looking back, I wish I'd waited on it, but oh well. Maybe I'll try it again someday.

5. "No Plan B"- Manafest

Does anyone remember the Silver Bullets from my short story, "The First Mission"? Well, that story wasn't the first I'd written about the Silver Bullet group, or about Mikayla and her father. "No Plan B" was a spur-of-the-moment story written after listening to this song a few too many times. It was a fairly simple plot: a team of Silver Bullet agents was sent into a Brotherhood compound to rescue several people. But these people weren't ordinary prisoners . . . and not everyone in the group had the same agenda. Interestingly, were I to write enough Silver Bullet stories to put them all in a book, "No Plan B" would be the final story. If you've read my Underground writing thread, you know why. If you haven't . . . Well, you'll just have to wonder for now.


6. "Not Gonna Die"- Skillet

Would you believe that I haven't even finished book four of the Berstru Tales series and I'm already getting ideas for book five or six? Whether or not I actually use those ideas depends on a lot of things, but this song is pretty much the theme song for two of the major subplots (or possibly main plots) of whichever book it ends up being. Each subplot- one of which is Emma's, the other of which is Jared's- is mainly inspired by one of the first two verses.

7. "Stronger Than You Think"- Fireflight

"I know your intentions. I've seen the way you work. . . . I used to chase you. But now I hate you. I'm safe inside the light, so go on, do your worst." That sounds like the challenge of a hero to me- a hero who's been down a dark path, perhaps even served the villain at one point, but has since been lifted out of that darkness and found the villain for an epic showdown- inspired, of course, by this song.

8. "Shivna"- Riverdance

While the other songs in this post inspire primarily through lyrics, this song inspires more through the rhythm and the feeling it gives me. There are at least two scenes in Danger in the Tower (my Rapunzel/12 Dancing Princesses) remake inspired by this song. It's also my idea of what the music of the Feyling, particularly the dark Feyling, would sound like . . . and a very potent song indeed is that played by the Feyling.

 Do you find inspiration in songs? If so, what are some songs that have inspired you? Please tell me in the comments! Thanks for reading!
 Calo anor na ven!
-Sarah (Leilani Sunblade)

Want to join in the Random Fridays fun? Feel free to make a post of your own on the week's topic! Please just be sure to use the Random Fridays banner, link back to Awkwordly Emma, and post the link to your post on the Awkwordly Emma blog so other participants can check out your post. For a list of future Random Friday topics, click here.   

Tagged Again!

I have been tagged again, this time by Scarlet Raptor. It's the same tag as last time, so I'll dispense with the instructions and get on with the random facts:

1. The last book I read was Entwined by Heather Dixon, a 12 Dancing Princesses remake. 
2. The next book I plan to read is Among the Hidden by Margaret Peterson Haddix, though I may decide to read Starflower by Anne Elisabeth Stengl instead if I decide I'm still in a fairy-tale-ish mood.
3. I like making up words.
4. I once wrote a sonnet about procrastination. I'm thinking of posting it sometime, if I ever get around to it.
5. My favorite poem is "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll. 
6. I'm currently knitting a coif.
7. I'm currently listening to "The One" by Skillet. 
8. I got new sandals last weekend. Unfortunately, I haven't had a chance to wear them yet. 
9. As I type this, it's 1:04 PM.
10. I'm thirsty.

And now for the people I'm going to tag:

Vrenith

Aarathyn Arvell

Joel Ball

The WordWeaver

Rayne Speryll

Rob Thacker (or one of his characters)

IDK323

And once again I seem to be out of people. Oh well. 

Namárië!*

- Sarah (Leilani Sunblade)

*Farewell!

Finally, a Post!

Wow. I haven't blogged for a long time. Sorry, everyone. I wish I could say I was busy, and sometimes I was, but mostly I was just a procrastinator. Sorry again. And anyone who still reads this, thank you very, very much.

I had a lot of fun over Christmas break. Grandpa came down to visit for the holiday, and Mommy made ladylocks. (Ladylocks are pastry tubes filled with cream and with powdered sugar on top. They're absolutely incredible.) Some of my favorite presents included the Legends of Karac Tor series, a Skillet cd, and a Middle Earth map poster. Shortly after Christmas, my friend and I went to see The Hobbit a second time. I almost think I liked it better the second time, since I could anticipate what was happening better. New Year's Eve was spent at our friends' house and was also a lot of fun.

New Year's Day was mostly spent in two activities: taking down the Christmas tree and matting and framing my Hobbit posters. In addition to the full-size poster I got for Christmas, I got four free posters the first time I went to see The Hobbit. They all look fairly similar in design to this:

That's actually one of the posters, which obviously shows Bilbo. The other three have Gandalf, Thorin, and Gollum on them. All four, plus my map poster, are now framed, matted, and hanging on the wall across from my bed. This meant I had to rearrange the items already hanging on that wall, but I definitely think I like my room better this way.

School is going fairly well. I'm not overly crazy about my history, and a few semi-recent tests have resulted in me uttering the phrase "I'm dead" more than once. Thankfully, the last two tests have gone somewhat better, and none of my other subjects cause me quite as much pain.

In other news, I've decided to start knitting. This is mostly because I wanted something to do while I listened to By Darkness Hid and To Darkness Fled, audiobooks written and recorded by Jill Williamson. They were originally recorded as podcasts, but you can get all of both books free on her site. I'm very much enjoying both the books and the knitting. So far I've made five pairs of wristers, and I'm working on a cowl. I have another cowl design that I want to try after I finish this one, so that will probably keep me busy for a while.

I haven't been writing much, though I have been doing plenty of editing. I've finished editing my NaNo Novel, and I'm finally done with the first round of edits in my Camp NaNo Novel. I'm planning to try to write more for the next week or two before I start the second round of editing on my Camp NaNo Novel (which is probably going to be edited more times than any novel or story I've written since I wrote Rosa). I have been reading quite a bit. One of my favorite books I've read recently is Princess of the Silver Woods. It's the third book in a trilogy by Jessica Day George, and the first book in the trilogy, Princess of the Midnight Ball, helped inspire my Camp NaNo Novel. I thoroughly recommend the trilogy, though I haven't read any of her other books yet. I'm also looking forward to reading The Fairest Beauty, the latest book by Melanie Dickerson, another author I'd definitely recommend if you like remade fairy tales.

Well, that's about all. Thank you very much for reading, despite my long absences. I hope that I'll do a better job of fighting off Procrastination in future. Thank you again!

Nai haryuvalyë melwa rë.*

- Sarah


*"May you have a lovely day."