So, I Wrote a Thing . . .

For context: a few weeks ago, a few friends and I were discussing a book on Google Hangouts and one of the friends mentioned that she had, at one point, put a promise to make spaghetti whenever asked in a character's wedding vows, just to see if her coauthor would notice. This led to a challenge to come up with an awesome backstory for why the character would promise such a thing. And thus, this happened: 
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Once, in a land much like our own only more magical, there was a girl who has never tasted spaghetti. Unfortunately, she lived in New Mexico, and all people of Hispanic descent had long ago sworn enmity against the Italians because of some betrayal in a long ago war. One day, this girl accidentally annoyed a sorcerer. Believing that overkill is always the best response, he cursed her to die before the year was out, unless she could taste that which she most desired but could not attain before that time. He also made her mute, so she couldn't just say, "Hey, my life depends on having a plate of spaghetti."

All her family and friends tried everything they could think of. They perfected all their best dishes, then they started buying rare foods from all over the world, hoping one of them would be the cure. None of them succeeded, because they didn't think of spaghetti, but a few went on to be world-famous chefs because of their efforts.

However, the girl's best friend since childhood, who happened to be in love her (and she with him, though neither would admit it) knew of her secret desire, for she'd told it to him one evening. Alone, without telling anyone for fear they should disbelieve and stop him, he set out to find spaghetti.

Along the way, he faced great opposition from the sorcerer's minions, but through wit and courage, escaped each time, though not always unharmed.

 

Then he reached New York State and found a town full of Italian people. But they were tired of the Mexicans and Spanish treating them like dirt because of something their ancestors did, so they refused to even speak with him. A few even beat him up and tossed him out of town.

 

However, as he sought to sneak back in, he encountered a girl of no more than ten and her even younger brothers. They asked him why he was so determined to get inside the town, and he told them about his friend and the sorcerer and the curse. The girl was thrilled to have encountered someone on an adventure and said that she'd help him. So she snuck him into her house and went to find her older brother, who she knew secretly wanted to try enchiladas.

 

After she convinced the brother to actually talk to our hero instead of throwing him out, the two young men agreed to teach each other their recipes while the little girl went to the grocery store down the street to pick up more spaghetti for the boy to take with him.

 

During the cooking lesson, the young men became friends. So our hero left with not only spaghetti, but homemade sauce and meatballs and directions to a nearby semi-friendly wizard so he could get home without the meatballs spoiling.

 

The wizard was willing to send him home, but only after making the boy clean out and replant his garden and promise to bring him some really spicy jalepeno peppers, for, though he was not Hispanic, he had lived in the Southwest in his youth and missed the cuisine greatly. Plus, as everyone knows, New York doesn't know the true meaning of spicy. The boy promised, and the wizard teleported him back to his hometown.

 

The boy arrived before dawn and snuck back into his house. As quickly and carefully as he could, he prepared a pot of spaghetti. All his clatter in the kitchen nonetheless woke his family, who all demanded to know what he was doing and where he'd been and what he was making, but he only said, "I'm saving my friend's life!" and they had to let him be because everyone was desperate at this point.

 

The boy finished making the spaghetti and rushed over to the girl's house. The girl's parents let him in and woke her up so she could try what he had brought (though they didn't know it was spaghetti). The girl was, by this time, pretty sick and had nearly given up hope, but her spirits rose when she saw her friend. They rose still more when she saw what it was he had brought.

 

After three bites of the spaghetti, her voice returned, and she thanked her friend with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. After half the plate, she looked nearly as good as new, and the boy had stopped worrying enough that he would answer everyone who kept asking where he'd been and what this food was.

 

They were all outraged that it had been Italian food, not good, honest Mexican food that saved her. But some of them were curious and asked to try the spaghetti and were quite impressed. They convinced their friends to try some too, and before long, nearly half the town learned to love spaghetti.

 

They reached out to the people of the New York town, humbly asking forgiveness and if perhaps they could have a new supply of spaghetti and meatballs and such. The people of that town, for their part, had fallen in love with the enchiladas made by the brother of the little girl (though they weren't crazy about the wizard's super spicy jalapenos) so they were willing to reconcile and even teach the New Mexico town how to make more yummy foods, like eggplant Parmesan and lasagna, if the New Mexico town would supply them with tortillas and taco sauce and queso and teach them to make burritos and taquiotos and such. So the two opposing towns became friends through the power of delicious food.

 

Meanwhile, the girl and the boy dated for a while and then got married. In their vows, the boy promised to make the girl spaghetti any time she asked, so long as they both lived. And they all lived happily ever after, except the sorcerer, who was so annoyed at how things worked out that he moved to California in search of the perfect avocado toast. 

 

The end.

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I hope you enjoyed my little bit of fun. I should get back to regular posts, including Fight Song chapters, soon; the last few weeks have been pretty busy. Have a nice day!

 

Secondhand Fandom Syndrome

Hello, everyone. My name is Sarah. And I have Secondhand Fandom Syndrome.

Secondhand Fandom Syndrome (SFS), simply put, is a curious phenomenon in which someone who has never read or watched the focus of a particular fandom nevertheless displays signs of being in that fandom. Sometimes it's a mild condition; sometimes it's so extreme that the person is actually mistaken for a fandom member. And today, bouncing off Top Ten Tuesdays' fandom theme for this week, I'm going to detail five symptoms to help you recognize Secondhand Fandom Syndrome in yourself or your loved ones.

Friday 5s: Secondhand Fandom Syndrome Symptoms

1. A significant number of the person's friends are in that particular fandom. This is both cause and symptom of SFS. One develops Secondhand Fandom Syndrome through constant exposure to a particular fandom. Then, once one becomes a Secondhand Fan, one tends to seek out true fans of the series (or other Secondhand Fans) as friends, which intensifies the syndrome, creating a cycle. The only ways to break this cycle? If the Secondhand Fan looses interest in the fandom or if they officially become a part of that fandom by reading the book, watching the movie or TV show, or playing the game.
2. The person easily recognizes even not-immediately-obvious references to the fandom. There is an important distinction here. If someone knows that a Weeping Angel is from Doctor Who or that "girl on fire" means Hunger Games, that just means they have some awareness of popular/geek culture. On the other hand, if the person gets why someone else has tally marks on their arm (and denies knowledge of why the marks are there) or if they know why a dam snack bar is hilarious . . . they're probably a Secondhand Fan (if not a full-on fan). 
3. The person attempts to make references to the fandom. This might be to appeal to their fandom friends, or to make other people think that they themselves are legitimately in the fandom. Unfortunately, these references tend to fall flat because the person making them doesn't quite understand everything behind the reference. And even if the reference was done well, others still might not get it, since they don't associate that person with the fandom in question. Such is the unfortunate plight of the overly enthusiastic Secondhand Fan.
   
4. The person reads, and may actively seek out, fanfiction or fanart for the fandom of which they're a Secondhand Fan. Like the friends in the fandom, this may be both cause and symptom, particularly in the case of fanfiction. The person encounters a piece of fanfiction and reads it, possibly without realizing that it is fanfiction. They enjoy it, so when they see another piece, they read that as well. Often, they may read the fanfics simply because the stories are written by friends whose writing styles they enjoy. Eventually, the person will become a Secondhand Fan, which means they will be even more likely to enjoy fanfiction and fanart for the series. (On a sidenote: this is super effective; it's basically what got me into the PJO fandom, and why I'm a Secondhand Fan of HP.)
5. The person actively ships or otherwise has strong feelings regarding particular characters in that fandom. This represents a very extreme form of SFS. In most cases, although the Secondhand Fan enjoys the fandom, they do not have strong feelings about it. If one's SFS progresses to this stage, one should probably just join the fandom already if at all possible; it'll be easier all 'round.

The question, of course, remains: why do those with Secondhand Fandom Syndrome stay Secondhand Fans instead of fully joining the fandom? Well, parental permissions may be a factor, but the most common reason is that we all only have so much time to read, watch, and otherwise engage with the fandom, and that means that sometimes, the series or show will just have to wait.

Are you a Secondhand Fan? If so, of what fandoms? Do you know of any symptoms I missed? Please tell me in the comments!
Thanks for reading!
-Sarah (Leilani Sunblade)     

Sarah's Genre-Savvy Guide to Fairytale Survival

Maybe you know how it happened, maybe you don't, but one way or another, you've found yourself not in your own familiar world but in that of a fairytale retelling- and a very Grimm world it is! Naturally, you want to find a way back home, but in order to do that, you need to know how to keep from getting yourself trapped, killed, or worse. But never fear! Sarah is here to help with 10 simple tips that will- hopefully- keep you in one piece and unbewitched until you're safely in your world again!

1. First and foremost, familiarize yourself with the local folklore. Most of them will probably have at least a grain of truth, if not more. Pay special attention to the creepy legends that no one likes to talk or think about and that are only mentioned in fearful whispers. These will, almost undoubtedly, turn out to be absolutely true in the worst possible way.
2. On a related note, supposedly magical forests, haunted castles, and similar places are rumored to be this way for a reason! As a general rule of thumb, these places are also to be avoided- the less entangled you get with magical places (and, by extension, the magical beings that inhabit them), the safer you'll be! However, as it's not unlikely that finding your way home will involve going to one or more of these places (for various reasons), you should be familiar with where they are and what stories surround them.
3. As I mentioned, getting entangled with fairy folk and similar tends to lead to trouble. However, the odds are that you will end up having to deal with them at some point. This leads to my next tip: do not tick off the fairies. Even the nice ones often have a tendency to overcompensate for perceived insults. Be polite and respectful- but don't be a pushover.
4. Likewise, be nice to the old people. This should go without saying, really- what kind of person goes around being nasty to their elders?- but it's worth mentioning. After all, old people in fairytales have a tendency to be magical beings in disguise- and even if they aren't, they usually have pretty good advice. So, yeah, respect them. If they're  Also: if you meet them on the road, offer to share your lunch. They appreciate that. 
5. Another thing: talking frogs are, invariably, enchanted princes or such. Other talking animals could go either way- cats and birds, in particular, tend to be shapeshifted fairy folk or just animals who happen to be able to speak like humans- but frogs will always, always be enchanted. 
   
    
6. This next piece of advice is a really, really major one: if you must make bargains with fairy folk, enchanters, or anyone who's magical or not fully human in any way, be extremely cautious. If possible, don't make bargains at all; at least 90% of fairytale troubles occur simply because a character strikes a deal with someone or something. Not all bargains are bad, of course, but make one with the wrong being and you'll find yourself having to pay a lot more than you want to. In extreme cases, they end with someone dying or worse. (Yes, there is worse. Twelve Dancing Princesses remakes, in particular, seem to be full of this.) So, whenever possible, do not make bargains with magical beings. Of course, sometimes it's either a bargain or immediate death, in which case, well . . . you're in trouble either way, but at least if you make the bargain, you might have a chance of escaping later on. Even so, if you must make a bargain, be as careful as possible. Do not, under any circumstances, leave loopholes that the being with whom you're making the bargain can exploit. Likewise, if you agree to give something up, make sure you know exactly what the something is; don't say something like "whatever is standing behind my house" or "the first thing that greets me when I get home." 
7. Also, as a wise cat once said, "Don't go giving bits of yourself to anybody." This can include hair, blood, teeth . . . even personal possessions, in the hands of certain beings. Best-case scenario, possessing a bit of you will allow the being to play Evil Twin and do a lot of nasty things that people will blame you for. Worst-case scenario, well . . . let's not go there. I can think of at least three possibilities, and none of them are pleasant to consider.
8. Moving on from bargain-making: do not eat the fairies' food, even if they offer it to you! This goes for any food or drink offered by magical people or beings in general. Usually, this will result in the fairies or other beings gaining some kind of power over you, or your not being able to leave "fairyland" (wherever that happens to be). In occasional cases, it'll just make you lose your taste for human food . . . but that's still not very good, as you'll end up starving to death. However, food offered by wizards and other humans with magical powers (other than witches) is generally safe.
9. If you get involved in any kind of quest, a good thing to remember is that things tend to happen in threes. So if you've faced two monsters, there will probably be a third (bigger) monster through the next door. Completed two challenges? There'll be another one coming. Met up with two mysterious old ladies offering you gifts? You'll come upon another one before you get wherever you're going. Keep this rule in mind and you'll have a slightly better idea what to be on the watch for.
10. Finally, the simplest solution will often work, even if it doesn't make sense. Remember: you're in a fairytale, possibly even in fairyland. Things work differently here. Sometimes, the faster you run, the slower you get anywhere, and the easiest way to see what can't be seen is to look for its shadow. Essentially, don't just consider the possibilities; think of the impossibilities as well.  

In the end, of course, most of these tips come down to respect, kindness, and common sense- and a bit of uncommon sense as well. Keep that in mind and you should have little trouble surviving your fairytale and finding your way back home- not to mention having a nice bit of adventure while you're at it.
Best wishes!
-Sarah (Leilani Sunblade) 

The Terrible Shriek of Princess Carrie du Kaye

Once, long ago, in a land far away

There was a fair princess called Carrie du Kaye

It cannot be denied that she was quite good

At doing the things all princesses should-

Like dancing and sewing and being polite

(Even to people she didn’t quite like)

And playing the lute and singing so sweet

And keeping clothes and hair so nice and neat.

But one thing about this princess just must be said:

When it came to a fuss, she could not keep her head!

At the mere sight of blood she’d faint dead away.

(Once she didn’t wake up for a night and a day!)

And if the smallest of bees should be flying around,

She’d scream and she’d cry until all heard the sound.

So, knowing this knowledge, it’s no wonder, you see,

That when one day a dragon dropped by at tea

And carried her off, away through the sky,

Princess Carrie du Kaye let out a great cry.

So very loud and long was her shout on that day

That it scared every bird so they flew far away.

They flew with the insects ‘til they couldn’t hear Carrie’s cry.

But the poor dragon was wondering why

He’d had to pick this fair maiden to snatch-

Surely there were quieter girls he could catch!

Her scream just went on, and for a half-hour he endured

Carrie’s carrying-on, with nary a word.

Then, finally, he thought to himself,

“It’s certainly not worth, it not if she were an elf!”

(Every dragon knows in these parts

That catching an elf is a sign of great smarts.)

“She’s far too loud; I can’t hear myself think,”

This he decided in the space of a wink.

So he turned back around just like that

And took Princess Carrie home in ten minutes flat!

And not even once did he e’er darken her door-

Nor any dragon, forevermore!

So that is the story of how and of why,

Princess Carrie du Kaye, with her terrified cry,

Forced a great dragon to take her home

And, furthermore, to leave her alone.

The moral of the tale: if by dragon you’re caught,

Give Princess Carrie’s tale a short thought

And scream long and loud so the dragon can hear

And hope that your screaming will very much hurt his ears!